there is no box

I’ve been mulling over a lot of things lately. I have a ton of stuff going on in my head and heart that really is hard to get together into one cohesive thought. I finally came to realize tonight that the thing that I am struggling with most isn’t what the future looks like in terms of ministry, work or even our life. I’m struggling with my own humanity. I’m struggling to identify who I am a person and what exactly I’m here for. Here is what I mean….

You see, for a long time I struggled with my vocation. For me, this was evidently how I measured my own contribution to humanity. I’ve tried on numerous occasions to connect the thing that feeds my family with the thing that feeds my soul. I’m not sure why I struggle mightily to make those two worlds collide. I can name countless folks in my life who have made a tremendous impact on humanity apart from their vocation, so I’m not sure where I picked up this idea. The good news is that I think I’ve come to terms with the dicotomy that exists between vocation and contribution. (That is not to say that I’ve put it fully into practice, but I’ve come to an ideological understanding of the concept.)

I’ve said on numerous occasions that I have had many ideas about what I would like to be when I grow up. Those of you closest to me know this to be true. I’ve wanted to be everything from a medical doctor to a police officer to a teaching pastor and pretty much everything in between. This makes perfect sense in the context of the quest for vocation and life mission. I’m at the point where none of that really matters. I’ve come to the realization that difference makers are difference makers in spite of that which puts food on their table.

The people that make a difference in this world are simply humans fighting to make the world a better place. The people who make a difference don’t do it because they get paid to do it, they do it because the can’t not do it. I’ve been on a futile quest for far too long. I’m on a quest to become human, making this world a better place just by being me. I’m no longer searching to put a label on my life by what I do for a living. I’m okay with that, I hope that you are as well.

I hope that you’ll join with me in the journey to becoming human in order to save the world. Part of that journey is becoming “even more undignified than this” and “join the barbarian tribe and to embrace our call as mystical warriors” (Erwin McManus in The Barbarian Way).